So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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