Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
