oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we're making bets on your personal life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't deserve a penis
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
