Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
