I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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