what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
