I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
