We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
