conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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