just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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