I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
