If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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