Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
