im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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