Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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