His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
