That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
