Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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