I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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