Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
