apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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