Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
