Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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