And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
