Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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