Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
