Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Everyone says I win the strip club
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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