I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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