its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A+ Viking dick
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
