I wanna passion pit in your ass
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
