Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
