Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize