I hate your face
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
