I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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