hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize