Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
