I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
