My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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