even my farts smell like vagina
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
