I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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