Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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