The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
