probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
