That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
