Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
