oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
