OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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