dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
