Are we in a gay sports bar?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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