i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize