We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
