Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
