Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
