I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
