I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
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