guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
