if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
