My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize