We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
