So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
