i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
