Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
