So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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