Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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