I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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